Network Administrator Diaries

Blog Update

2010-11-04T13:30:00.001-07:00

If you subscribe to this RSS feed, please head over to http://www.rickyanderson.me/.

I am condensing the two blogs I write (Churchforge and the Network Administrator Diaries) into one.

Thanks!

I, Robot

2010-10-06T18:35:00.001-07:00

I, Robot has been moved here.

Do As I Say...

2010-09-06T08:45:00.001-07:00

Ahh! I lost this post! Just kidding, it's been moved here.

Secret Computer Fairy Dust

2010-08-28T10:23:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here, by magic.

The Computer Man Song

2010-08-24T09:58:00.001-07:00

This is another awesome guest post by Kay, my favorite coworker. It's a song she wrote for you to sing out loud (in your server room, of course). It's to the tune of your favorite song.

---

Oh, what a day this is gonna be

My computer is broken and

I've a project due at three

Who can I turn to, What can

I dooooo...

Computer Man is on his way!

He never pauses, he never delays

He's always there to save the day!!!

Computer Man, Hooray!

He is there in a wink

In a moment he says this is

What I think.

You just have a virus;

I'll just give it a shot!

Now it's better,

Right on the dot.

Computer man has saved the day,

My report is done and on its way!

I'll be rewarded for my work,

Should I share with Computer Man?

No, I'm a jerk.

Freelance IT Consulting

2010-08-10T17:57:00.001-07:00

Freelance IT Consulting has been moved here.

Training Your Users To Be Self-Sufficient

2010-08-05T18:02:00.001-07:00

Training Your Users To Be Self-Sufficient has been moved here, but you really should have figured that out on your own.

Scapegoat

2010-07-19T09:11:00.001-07:00

We sent an email out to the staff on Friday telling them the network would be down for maintenance. We commenced the maintenance after business hours on Friday, and completed it Sunday afternoon.

This morning, Monday, I received a call from one of our managers, an accountant. She asked how long the maintenance had taken, and I told her. She then proceeded to tell me she needed this information so she could justify to the client why the reports she was tasked with were not completed on time.

I had just become The Scapegoat.

Logic would tell us that she procrastinated doing the report, which is due every week at the same time, until the last possible moment. She may have even forgotten entirely.

But then she remembered the golden opportunity I had given her, and she gladly threw me under the bus.

I plan these sort of things around the user's schedules. I try to minimize the impact to them. They show their appreciation through mentioning me by name to the client.

What are the lessons we've learned here today?

1. Don't tell the users when you're doing something on the network. Make them figure it out.

2. When the IRS asks why you didn't file your taxes on time, throw your accountant under the bus. I'll give you her name and number if you need it.

The User Virus

2010-07-17T11:24:00.001-07:00

The User Virus has been moved here.

Try to avoid it - we don't want you getting sick.

Missing Me, Part 2

2010-07-13T06:45:00.001-07:00

Missing Me, Part 2, has been moved here.

Missing Me, Part 1

2010-07-12T14:22:00.001-07:00

Missing Me, Part 1, has been moved here.

The Leech

2010-07-09T17:23:00.001-07:00

The Leech has been moved here.

Of Mouse and Man

2010-06-28T21:57:00.001-07:00

Of Mouse and Man has been moved here.

Dating Your Coworkers

2010-06-20T02:33:00.001-07:00

Dating Your Coworkers has been moved here.

Sudo!

2010-06-07T17:01:00.001-07:00

Sudo! has been moved here.

Licensed to Confuse

2010-05-31T16:32:00.001-07:00

Licensed to Confuse has been moved here.

Late Night IT

2010-05-24T20:28:00.001-07:00

Late Night IT has been moved here.

Because I Don't Wanna

2010-05-17T16:41:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved via telekinesis.

Help Desk Healing

2010-02-07T12:32:00.001-08:00

Help Desk Healing has been move here.

Tech Support Hold Music

2010-01-31T09:05:00.001-08:00

Please hold while we connect your browser to this post, which has been moved here.

Helpless Users

2010-01-26T07:18:00.001-08:00

This post has been moved here. For further assistance, please contact the helpdesk.

User Wrangling

2010-01-20T15:24:00.001-08:00

User Wrangling has been moved here.

What the Dell?

2010-01-08T07:24:00.001-08:00

This post has been moved here.

The Top-Secret HP Customer Dissatisfaction Command Center

2009-12-28T12:23:00.001-08:00

This post has been moved here. If this upsets you, please contact HP's corporate headquarters,

The Network Before Christmas

2009-12-22T17:43:00.001-08:00

'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the office,
not a user was surfing,
not even the ones who bossed us.

The night crew had finished cleaning the thrones,
and had headed out in the cold for their distant homes.
The security guard was asleep at his station,
He was snoring peacefully after his nightcap libation.

When from the server room,
there came such a clatter!
You'd know in an instant,
it must be the Network Administrator!

He flew from floor to floor,
from office to office,
from desk to desk,
not a PC would he miss!

He whipped out his tools,
and commanded them with ease.
For it was his goal,
his users to please.

He shouted, "On Defrag, Disk Cleanup and Tune-Up!
Kill malware, spyware and virus!
Install the service packs, check the connections."
He even rebooted the servers; he was above expectations!

It was his one chance,
the best night of the year,
the network was his,
the users weren't near!

He finished quickly; there was no one to gripe,
He saved all their work; he was just that type.
He turned out the lights, and he paused at the door,
He took a deep breath, and just one look more...

"Merry network to all, and to all a good night!"

How to get cold call sales people off the phone

2009-12-01T17:46:00.001-08:00

This post has been moved here. It was on this list, and now it's on another list. You should give it a call.

How To Be a Better IT Guy

2009-11-25T05:29:00.001-08:00

This post has moved out of the basement to this fine new establishment.

Magnum, P.I.

2009-11-19T16:10:00.001-08:00

Magnum, P.I. has been moved here.

Computer Death Certificate

2009-11-12T19:40:00.001-08:00

This post has been exhumed and reburied here.

Why 'reburied'? Because I don't know how to spell reinterned. Is it reinterned or reinterred? Reentered? Rented?

Office Pranks

2009-10-26T06:14:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here. Joke's on you!

The Customer Is Always Right

2009-10-18T18:27:00.001-07:00

This post was transported here by the cell phone virus.

The HP Way

2009-10-14T07:51:00.001-07:00

This post has been hot-swapped. It can now be found here.

The Trojan Virus

2009-10-06T17:47:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here. In a wooden horse, of course of course.

Characters Welcome

2009-09-26T09:23:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here.

Never Hurt a Vendor

2009-09-21T17:40:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here. It had been in timeout for hurting a vendor.

Hollywood Is Calling

2009-09-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

This post has moved to LA in hopes of becoming a starving waiter. Which is ironic on so many levels, if you think about it.

The Golden Busywork Road

2009-08-31T18:03:00.000-07:00

Follow the Golden Busywork Road to see where this post has moved.

The Versatility of Rebooting

2009-08-27T17:50:00.001-07:00

Try again. This post has been moved here.

Arguing With Tech Support

2009-08-25T08:16:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here.

Yes, we already told you that.

We did too!

An Open Letter to Malware Designers

2009-07-22T04:19:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here.

Being the Go-To Guy

2009-07-10T11:02:00.001-07:00

Ever notice how well you're qualified in the minds of others?

When I got this job, it wasn't because I knew what I was doing. To this day, I still have no certifications. I was presumed qualified because I had made the firm's web page. In the minds of management, computers were computers. If I could make our firm's information available to the entire Internet, how hard could it be to make our firm's information available to itself?

I constantly get projects based on nothing but an individual's unshakable belief I know what I'm doing. Now, I never pretend to be more than I am. I readily admit when I'm in over my head and need to research something. But in spite of my warnings and attempts to play down my abilities, people are convinced I can just "make it work".

Since I know my own abilities, this faith is intimidating. I have a great responsibility with this faith, much the same as a parent whose children believe in Santa. The parent knows it's not real, but he doesn't want to be the one to crush the hopes and dreams of those who look up to him.

Which leads me to my unmistakable conclusion: My users must think I'm Santa.

Merry Christmas!

End Users - Those Rascally Vagueabonds!

2009-06-08T08:24:00.001-07:00

This post has been moved here.

If you'd read the error message, you would have known that.

The Difference Between Hearing and Listening

2009-06-03T09:58:00.001-07:00

We have an accountant here from India. I've worked with him for a couple years now. Not only has his English improved dramatically since he started, but I've gotten much better at understanding him. This doesn't mean we never have a communications gap, though.

The other day, he was telling me about the elections going on in his hometown. Some records had been 'destroyed', and he was crying foul. He feared election corruption by one of the political parties.

Him: Can a fire be started with electricity malfunction?

Me: Sure.

Him: One of the states in India just had a fire and lost all their electronic records. I think it was started on purpose, but they'll just claim it was a shocksocute.

Me: Electrocute?

Him: Shocksocute.

Me: Electric shock?

Him: No, shocksocute.

Me: Shocksocute? It was pretty?

Him: No! What is word for not long?

Me: Short?

Him: Yes! It was a shortsocute.

Me: Little AND pretty?

Him: Like the store. Socute City.

Me: ...?....OH! Circuit City?

Him: Yes! They will say the fire was started by a shocksocute.

Me: Short circuits will do that.

Him: But, I know that is not what event happened. The story will be a pure crap.

Me: Hold on, I need to clean up this coffee dripping out my nose...